Wednesday, March 14, 2012

See you on the other side: Old post from our old blog

I promised to post up this old post from our previous blog page. Here it is... 'For most new mothers in the throes of sleep deprivation and milk depleting brain fog, our true personality and attributes and natural energy becomes dormant. It is only after a substantial amount of liberating space ('me time') and SLEEP, do we start to get glimmers of our old self again...well, that's my excuse and I am sticking to it! My expectations of myself seem to never be met these days. I think I can juggle things like I used to however the constant interruption to my brains focus on a task and the relentless pulling at my thought stream by my 3 boys, brings me to my knees some days. It has been that long now since I worked full-time and made snappy, quick dialogue and decisions, that I am starting to question whether I have truly lost those skills rather than them laying dormant somewhere in my brain mush. Some say it comes back, others say it never returns. I guess I have to leave it for 'time-will-tell', as nothing I can do now seems to be able to engage the 'old me' back in the domestic picture for sustainable periods. Anyhoo, I decided to demonstrate some self kindness and not make too many demands of myself this week. After a week of gastro, then a stint in A &E with little bear 3 obtaining stitches for his split forehead (incurred whilst I was sitting at the sewing machine), the ever constant need to remain vigilant around my teenager and the demands of a clingy 18 mth old...sigh*** I have come to the realization that I don't have to be superwoman. I am doing enough. I can't take on her job as well! It is okay that at mothers group I dribble nonsensical (is that a word?) conversation and make reference to "that 'thing' that makes those 'things' do 'things". The other mother's all seem to know what I mean. It's okay that I refused to do something for someone this week as I think I would have dropped my unbalanced bundle I am currently carrying, had I added that task as well. It's...just OK. My brain will day. It will bring with it, my funny, witty personality and intelligent conversation, as well as my ability to focus and achieve well on all tasks as I multi them. My abundant energy and get-up-and-go (mmm...I may not come back...) will bounce back and I will take the time and care, to concern myself with how I have put myself together before I head out the door. That's something to look forward to. Isn't it? In the meantime, I will enjoy my vacantness (that has to be a word. spell check seems not to think so) and I will practice confidently on the real estate man with the sexy voice when he rings and bring myself together for a whole uninterrupted minute and grace him with my stunning ability to converse and sound efficient and in control and as somebody who KNOWS what they are talking about. It feels good for that fleeting moment when I hang up from that call, that I have convinced someone that I am competent. That is, until I turn around and see breakfast still on the floor near the highchair, dirty dishes in the sink, my unwashed face in the mirror and loads of washing in the laundry...there is always tomorrow to get on top it all' Anyone else feel like this, or am I alone here?

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